


Spring

by Kevin_DesertBluffs



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Light Angst, i hope you enjoy this!, kind of fluff? maybe?, trigger warning: f slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 20:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kevin_DesertBluffs/pseuds/Kevin_DesertBluffs
Summary: Finn comes out to Tommy





	Spring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weeo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeo/gifts).



> I didn't really proof read this. Sorry for any mistakes.

_She said, ‘be a man.’_

_And were you a man?_

_Yeah._

The details of the conversation whirled around in his head for months afterward. He couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Tommy’s face when he admitted that he couldn’t help apologizing to the girl. Disappointed, like he’d done something wrong. Like apologizing made you weak; less of a man.

_You need to be a fucking man, Finn, so be a fucking man._

Finn was eighteen. Old enough to be more involved in the family business. Old enough to decide for himself what he wanted to do. Unfortunately, in his family, that meant that he could do what he wanted, as long as what he wanted to do involved being a man. A strong man. A man who bought sex from girls who only wanted money, and a man who wouldn’t apologise for it. A man who would kill when he needed to, and a man who knew when that was.

              A Shelby man.

              Finn never wanted this life. He didn’t want to kill. He had tried telling Tommy and Arthur that once, but they brushed him off. Sometimes it felt like they barely noticed he was there. And now with the death of John hanging over their heads, everything was harder. He was afraid to admit anything. He was afraid to call attention to himself.

              That was changing though. And as other things changed, he thought more and more about that conversation. He needed to say something. He couldn’t wait any longer, because it wasn’t so much about the killing. He’d been around violence his whole life. He could deal with that. He could still stay a Shelby, but he didn’t want to hide any more. Surely Tommy would be able to understand that.

              He reassured himself of this as he made his way over the river bridge towards Tommy’s house. The place he was staying wasn’t too far away, and it was a nice walk. The sun was shining, and it was pleasantly warm. The trees were only just sprouting leaves after their long dormant winter, and the air was filled with the perfume of new flowers. Of course, he could have just visited Tommy at his office later today, but He was always so busy and Finn figured it would be easier to get his full attention this way. He didn’t want to risk having to say everything over again.

               Because… it really wasn’t about the killing. It was about the other part of being a Shelby man that everyone else seemed to accept as a part of manhood. It was about girls. Sometimes it seemed like all anyone talked about. Sex with women, courting women, marrying women, ‘When are you gonna get a girlfriend, Finn?’ or ‘Met any nice girls, Finn?’ or more recently from the people who knew, ‘How did you like her, Finn?’

              It never seemed to end, and it made him want to climb on a rooftop and scream to the whole of Birmingham that any questions anyone might ever have about his romantic life are completely irrelevant because HE’S NOT ATTRACTED TO GIRLS.

              And then, realizing that he was quite alone, he shouted it out loud, “I LIKE BOYS! I’M A FUCKING FAGGOT AND THERE’S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT!”

              His voice echoed, and he listened to it bounce back at him. Satisfied to have said it out loud, he continued walking.

              Finn knew he was homosexual. He had known for years, but it had never felt important to come out before now. It had been easy to hide. No one paid attention to him anyway. But now he needed them to. He steeled his resolve as he walked up the front steps to Tommy’s house. He knocked on the door tentatively. A maid opened it.

              “Hello. Could you get Tom? I need to talk to him,” Finn asked.

The maid nodded and left, Leaving him leaning in the doorframe for a few minutes, scuffing his shoe on the floor as he waited for Tommy to come downstairs. Finally, he did.

“ Finn! What’s going on?” Tommy asked, surprised to see him there. As he stood in the doorway, Finn felt himself fumble for a moment, unsure how to explain.

“I- uh, do you- do you mind if I come in?”

“Not at all.” Tommy still sounded confused, but he led him into the kitchen anyway. It wasn’t like he was about to turn him away. Finn sat down at the table, and Tommy continued walking around the kitchen opening cabinets. He finally located a glass. “Now, What’s going on?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“I figured as much. What about?”

“Well, you never asked where I’ve been living for the past few months, and I just thought you ought to know.”

“I thought you were still living on Watery Lane.” Tommy located a decanter of whisky.

“I was, but… I moved. Tom, I-” Finn stopped, realizing that Tommy was preoccupied with pouring himself a drink and appeared to be only half listening. Typical. Well, if he wasn’t going to pay attention, Finn was going to have to make him.

He began again, more forcefully this time. “Tom, I’m living with my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend, and he has an apartment in Bordesley and that’s where I’m living.” He took a breath and waited for a reaction.

Tommy stopped mid pour. “What did you say?”

Finn took a deep breath. “I have a boyfriend, Tom. I’m a homosexual.” He paused. “I’m not looking for your approval, I just thought you should know.”

Tommy was silent for a long time. Finn anxiously picked at a callous on his hand.

Finally he spoke, “Does Arthur know?”

The question caught Finn by surprise. “Not yet.”

“Let’s keep it that way, eh? Don’t think he’d be too fucking happy about it.”

“Yeah, I suppose not.” He knew it was probably true. Arthur Shelby was many things, but open minded had never really been one of them, although he seemed to be getting a bit better.

“In fact, let’s just keep this between ourselves. Don’t tell anyone else, alright?”

That was taking it a little too far. The whole point of this conversation was that he wanted to come out. Hadn’t he just spent the last three months wishing he didn’t have to hide? “Hang on, I told you I wasn’t looking for your approval. It’s not your business, I’ll tell who I want.”

“If you tell everyone in Birmingham, things will go badly for the company. That’s _my_ business, eh, Finn? I said don’t fucking tell anyone, so don’t fucking tell anyone.” Tommy’s voice was rising in volume, and he was pacing. Finn was getting nervous, but he wasn’t about to give in. Not this time.

“This is my life we’re talking about. I don’t want to hide anymore! I’m sick of lying to peop-”

Tommy cut him off. “Sometimes, you have to lie, okay? That’s life.” He gestured with the glass. “You lie to protect business, you lie to protect your family and yourself. That’s how it is.”

“No! I’m not doing that anymore!” Finn nearly shouted. He took a deep breath. Things were escalating too quickly. He already came out. It was time to leave “Look. I told you I didn’t need your approval. I said what I came here to say, so I’m leaving.”

“Finn-” But he had already shut the door behind him. Tommy sat down at the table and put his head in his hands.

 

 

Finn walked out the door and started running, barely holding back tears. He _hated_ Tommy. Hated him for not understanding, Hated him for making this even more stressful than it had to be, hated him for being _such_ a _control freak_.

But it was alright, because he said what he needed to, and it was over. He was an adult. He was allowed to decide how to run his own life, and that didn’t have to include Tommy anymore.

Eventually he let go and the tears came. He cried for a while, still running, before he came to the bridge he had passed on the way over. He stopped and leaned over the edge, watching the river for a while until the slow moving water made him calm down. The soft breeze ruffled his hair, an he couldn’t help feeling a little better. He still had a house and a wonderful partner to go home to. Nothing else really mattered as much as that.

He heard footsteps on the path and turned to see Tommy walking across the bridge. Finn looked away stared at the water until Tommy leaned against the railing beside him.

“I love this stream.”

Finn didn’t respond. He continued staring at the water.

“I used to bring girls here when I was about your age. It’s beautiful in the spring.”

Finn stared intently at the water.

“I brought a boy here once.”

That got Finn to look up.

“We kissed under the bridge. We came here a few times, until he told his sister, who told his father, and I never saw him again after that.”

Finn stared at him. “I had no idea,” he said.

“And then somehow, word got around to our father,” Tommy continued.

“He wasn’t happy.”

“No, he was not.”

They both were silent for a moment.

 Tommy lit a cigarette and blew a long trail of smoke into the air. A leaf floated down from a nearby tree and alighted on the water. “I never told anyone else. Not even Arthur knows. It would change fucking everything, Finn. People are mean. Even family can be cruel.”

“I’m 18, Tom. It’s my decision if I want to tell them.”

“Be careful.” He paused. “You’re right. It’s your decision, but you’re my little brother. I fucked up with John. I can’t let anything happen to you.”

Finn sighed. “I know, I just… I don’t want to hide from people. I don’t want to hide from my own family. Arthur’s not bad. He wouldn’t… do anything. And Ada. Ada into the whole socialist thing. I’m sure she’d be fine with it.”

“Yeah. Ada will be fine. But Arthur… Arthur takes after our father more than he would admit.”

“You could always back me up.”

Tommy smiled. “That I could do.”

Finn smiled, too. They both watched the river in silence.

“Does he treat you well?” Tommy finally asked.

“Who?”

“Your boyfriend.”

“Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s wonderful.”

“Good.”

 


End file.
